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Working with our inner parts, it becomes obvious that it is about resistance. Our inner parts share their resistance to life. That resistance can show itself in many ways.  It can be  resistance to work, exercising, looking after our bodies, anything we do really.  It can be a resistance to relationships with other people. It can be a resistance to taking risks or living out our purpose (this is often the same).  Really moving forward comes when we notice our resistant thoughts, not just the positive thoughts.

Most self-help wants us to believe that our healing and recovery happens when we focus on the positive.  I suppose its easier that way.  It feels better. Spending time inundating our minds with positive thoughts does distract us from the pain we are in.  But does it work? … not really.  The power lies in accepting every part of ourselves which includes our shadow self, the inner parts within who don’t believe we could ever be good enough, feel worthy of love, do well enough or even belong on this planet.  If we don’t allow these parts to express, they will stay below the surface inundating our everyday lives with resistance to what we want.  And there are no mantras for our conscious mind that will overpower the unconscious.

We may set an intention to write that book we have always wanted to write, but our unconscious is telling us we aren’t good enough to be an author.We may have a mantra to take more risks, but our unconscious is full of warnings about staying safe at all costs.We may make a decision to be kinder to our children or our partner but our unconscious is only interested in keeping everyone safe at all costs. We have an internal saboteur who will do anything to keep us where we are. Our saboteur thinks we are perfect just as we are.

So ask yourself the honest and courageous question. How are you resisting life? How is your inner talk stopping you from moving forward? Instead of blocking it, fighting it or ignoring it, can you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it?  Can you get past the discomfort that comes with this resistance and let it express?  Can you accept these resistant parts of you and allow what is there to just be there? If we can allow ourselves to feel how we feel and say what we need to say, we can heal our resistance in incredible ways.

Sharing our dark side with others helps us heal. Realising that we all have similar issues helps us accept parts of ourselves we have kept from the world because we felt embarrassed. I recently attended a few “Radical Honesty” workshops. Everyone in the group realised that we all share the same emotions and thoughts. We all pretend to …..  when really we are feeling or wanting……. (fill in the blanks and notice when you pretend). I shared a feeling of shame and guilt around not being a good enough mother to my oldest child. Being honest with myself and everyone in the group made me feel vunerable and frightened about what everyone would think of me. But I was being true to myself and everyone else and not pretending to be something I am not. By doing that I was actually saying to myself: it’s ok to be you, whatever that you is.  All of us, including our shadow self wants to be heard, expressed and accepted.

Embrace your darkness embrace your light. You are absolutely perfect just the way you are.