6 years ago I found myself travelling to London following my gut. I had no idea what was going to unfold in front of me but I knew I needed to go. I had come across Tantra very briefly and knew there was something in that I needed to explore. Something that I needed to learn and bring to my community. I had no idea what it was. I had signed up to be a Tantric Journey educator and was on my way to do level 1. I book a hotel nearby and notice how insecure I feel arriving late in the evening and not knowing my surroundings. I find the hotel eventually and plan my route for the following morning.
I arrive at the venue feeling nervous but also excited. There is a warmth and welcome that feels good in my body. Over the period of the next 6 months I get to meet many amazing people and have many interesting experiences. I remember at one point early on in the training lying with my hands underneath a mans naked body. I am lying between his spread legs and I notice that I have never experienced anything quite like it. It feel scary, different, unknown. I notice stories of wondering if I can do this, stories that I want to bring teachings to the world but surely I don’t have to this? As you can imagine I pretty quickly got used to naked bodies. It became natural to touch genitals like any other part of the body, but still there was something different about touching genitalia. There was also a difference in touching female and male, and I will be honest, there still is.
I jumped in and did level 2 and even level 3 which was healing through penetration. I thought I was ready for it, my mind told me I was, but my body was absolutely not ready for it, and at that point I was not able to connect to what my body wanted.
I believed my teacher when he told me that my vagina was traumatised and needed healing. I believed that he could heal me. I believed that if I followed what he said I would become a sexually liberated woman who could tap into her orgasmic power whenever she wanted. I signed a consent form that he would enter me with his finger, tongue or cock. I believed him when he told me that being entered with a soft cock was incredibly healing for the vagina. I actually wanted him to do that so that he could fix me, bring me back to wholeness. I gave my power away and couldn’t see it.
I now see how I co created all those scenarios. My shadow behaviour of the endurer and pleaser facilitated the shadow behaviour of those I was interacting with. Today 6 years later I am on the same train going to London. This time the calling is from my heart, there are emotions rising when I feel into that and notice nature going by when I look out the window. This time I am going down to teach the work of Somatic Consent. Teaching others to slow down, to tap into the wisdom of their body and choose what the body wants. To notice the stories, the conditioning, feelings, emotions, challenges and whatever arises and welcoming all of that. To help other explore what they want and what they don’t want. Practise communicating desires and limits. And as an extra bonus tap into the orgasmic potential that is within everyone of us, being able to feel ourselves without needing anything from the outside. This really does change everything.
If you feel called to join the Somatic Consent revolution send me an email. We are building a worldwide and UK community where we can explore in a safe environment together.