I have a client who I imagine to be a pleasure seeker, to be honest many come to me seeking pleasure. He likes fast cars, beautiful women and expensive watches, I call him Mr Bond. Before meeting me he had explored with a few different Tantricas, but they were not giving him what he was looking for, not in that moment anyway. Mr Bond and I have experienced many different types of pleasure, not 2 sessions are the same. He has also assisted me in some deep healing and de armouring which has been painful for me. I am really beginning to love and appreciate pain and the word pleasure is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth and irritation in my yoni. Let me explain why.

When it comes to sexuality we in the West have been taught that it serves 2 purposes: procreation and pleasure right? NO! The most vital part of our sexuality it that it can heal us, enlighten us, connect us to the source, oneness, god whatever you want to call it. Yet most people see it as a source of more pleasure. They see Tantra as having sex for longer, expanding into more pleasure, becoming multiorgasmic. And yes that is possible and I will admit I  have been going down that route for a while, thinking that everything that was pleasurable was actually good for me. I am not saying that pleasure isn’t healthy, but it feels like I’m unbalanced (that addictive, entitled taste). My dear friend Lady Grey taught me that balance is one of the most important things for us. I sense that to be balanced I need to dive into pain (any unpleasant feeling)  with as much enthusiasm as I do pleasure. Pain is good, pain helps us grow and expand. Now this can be tricky as most of us have been brought up to avoid pain at any costs, but it is very liberating. Any feeling will flow through a baby in minutes if you just let it happen and we could learn a lot about being in our natural state by observing babies. 

So instead of self pleasuring I now self nurture. That means spending time being present with myself and whatever arrises without having a goal or expectation. There is normally a lot of anger, sadness and pleasure. It’s about showing up for myself and appreciating every part of myself including the ones I perceive as “bad”. 

Every action I do (well I will be honest I don’t remember all the time) I ask myself if this is nourishing for me. If the answer is no I may still choose to do it (for many different reasons), but I know I am going against myself. If the answer is yes and I do it I know I am doing what is right for me. Eating chocolate is nourishing, I was anorexic for years and have denied my body so much. It’s nourishing to avoid the gym after years of beating myself up there. Its nourishing for me to lean into pain and cry whenever tears come to my eyes. Only you know what is nourishing for you every soul is different.

So when Mr Bond arrived for his recent session he wasn’t too pleased when I told him pleasure was no longer where we were going. Nurture was the name of the game.