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I have written about this before but am being called in this direction again. So let’s go a little deeper into what it actually means for me and maybe you too.

I will admit it, I don’t always practise what I preach. I am definitely moving in the right direction of expanding, relaxing and opening, I can reach an orgasmic state just through breathing and not touching myself at all, but I often feel myself drawn back to those few seconds of complete pleasure and explosion. 

My body is telling me that the deeper I go into the state of opening and relaxing the more connected I can become with myself and the deeper I can enter myself. I know that by slowing down I am increasing sensitivity and vitality. I know that it creates and restores love in every area of my life. 

We are living faster which is creating more stress in our lives. Everything is more fast paced including sex. Reaching orgasm is the goal and sex is often very short lived. We need to engage in sex, solo or with a partner, with increasing ease and relaxation. In taking speed and stress out of the act we can remove the performance pressure that comes with expectations and achieving goals. If orgasm is not the goal we can be fully present in the moment.

When we slow down sex acts as medicine that can resolve long term problems and wounds that cause unhappiness, separation and insecurity. Fast sex continues to desensitise our bodies especially our genitals, orgasm is like a drug. When we have a peak orgasm there is a lot of tension, even though some is released during orgasm, there is still tension left in the body.  

We don’t really know how to bring variety and creativity into our sexual encounters. The full spectrum of human sexual experience allows us to consciously choose to make a shift in our sexual ways. We are able to transcend our habits and patterns, we are able to generate and make love in the way we were designed by the Devine. This is a spiritual path. Sex becomes sacred when you honour the intelligence of the body and create a space for the Divine to enter.

I know all this! And yet I still find myself going for that peak orgasm. To go into those states of relaxation I need to feel safe. I have noticed when I am with my lover my body doesn’t go into peak states so easily, I imagine my body feels safe and wants to go deeper with him. With other men, mainly clients its different and my body goes into there pretty quickly. When I am on my own there is no excuse.

Today I got an insight that showed me why I may be stuck in this pattern. I noticed that when I look at men it’s with question “could you be my mate?” When I look at women the question is “are you a threat to me?. If you have read my previous blog you will know that there are beliefs that peak orgasms are for procreation. They can deplete us, both male and female, and disconnect us from our loved ones, making us look outside for new potential partners. And they are addictive, we want more of them. I have been menopausal for a few years now, but am I still stuck in this pattern of procreation and peak orgasms are keeping me there? Its a possibilty worth exploring.

So I am changing the way i approach peak orgasms. I will, for the time being, avoid clit orgasms as they are superfical and most definetly stop me from going deeper. In terms of vaginal orgasms I will explore consiously. I will slow down and be with myself in pain and in pleasure whatever arises. If orgasm happens I will enjoy that and notice if I was present or moving towards the goal. I will also pay attention to how I feel the hours and days after an orgasm and notice if it is serving me. If you want to join me get in touch.