The deeper I go on my own journey the more I discover about my true self. I am so grateful for all my relationships that really support me on my personal journey. 

At a young age I was taught how to keep the peace. How to keep everyone happy and override my own needs and boundaries. Sorry mum I imagine you won’t like reading this, but its true and its okay. I understand that your dad was an alcoholic and you had to learn how the keep the peace in your household.

Roll on many years and I find myself lost in looking after other people and feeling that no one really listens to me. When I ask for what I want I don’t seem to get it! When I say in a passive aggressive humorous sort of way that I do everything in the house everyone just agrees!! And I know now that I created that scenario. I wanted everyone to think I was lovely, giving, thoughtful, helpful, beautiful and selfless. I wanted to be loved and accepted. I found it easy to say yes to everything and very hard to say no. 

I now know that saying no to others is saying yes to me. And it is not easy at all! It is so ingrained in me to override my needs and boundaries to do what is good for others rather than myself. It feels “selfish” to put myself first, it’s “bad” to be selfish and no one will like me.

I have recently realised that some no’s for me actually feels in my body like an uncertain yes. I imagine its is my body’s way of looking after me after decades of saying yes when I meant no.

And there is the guilt associated with saying no. I told my children that I was going to start saying no to more things. When I did I felt terribly guilty, that I “should” give them what they asked for. Staying with that guilt has not been easy, but I imagine in time it will. And don’t get me started on asking for what I want. I imagine those 2 go pretty hand in hand. 

I recently trained with Dr Betty Martin who created the Wheel of Consent. She teaches how we all learn to go with things from a very early age, the difference between serving and allowing (you are giving the gift) and taking and receiving (the gift is for you) and the importance of bringing consciousness and agreements to this. When I first came across the wheel I realised how I had been serving and allowing others to take from me in many different ways. 

Luckily I have learnt how to steer in the direction of knowing what I want, being able to ask for it, be ok if I don’t get it and saying no to what I don’t want. It’s a life long practise. If you would like to learn more please get in touch.